Before I start (Which technically I already have), I need to explain something. Our home teachers have only visited our home two times. Brother Allred has eight children, and his 14 year old son is his companion.
The fist time they came over, everyone had already been in a funny mood. Keep in mind this is basically the first time they have ever had an in-depth encounter with our family, that's already dangerous enough. I had my hair up in a high ponytail and I was sitting on the bench by our piano. Takoda, my autistic angel from heaven of a brother was absoulutely giddy. Savannah was as well. As soon as they came in the family room and sat down, she began to crawl under the bench and repeatedly pinch me and Takoda from behind.
I of course, being the loving, peacemaker, kind hearted, gentle person that I am began to quietly chide her. EEEERRR WRONG!!!! I decided to move over to the fireplace to avoid further conflict after having sent her hand back into the depths of the bench with a good 'tap'. Unfortunately, I moved right into the reaches of the autistic loopyhead. He began to poke me repeatedly. By this time, I was not mad, but laughing my head off. I tried to hold it in, but I'm not very good at that. I began fits and bursts of 'air being expelled through either my mouth or nose to express enjoyment'. I'm sure I must've snorted a few times.
So, in the midst of this charade, Tanner and Denver are wrestling and smacking each others heads into the wooden chest in the middle of the floor. I occasionally looked over to see the home teachers in either utter shock, or uncontrollable amusement. To add to the noise of the attempted lesson, head smacking, and laughter, Takoda had seen a spot of water on the floor and tried to make Savannah and I step in it, claiming it was 'the substance that must not be named'. He was later sent to the basement, and on the way, let his bodily gasses release.
Oh yes, I'm so proud of my family and the lovely first impression that was.
Anyone want to hear about the second visit?
Today, the fateful day. Second in-depth encounter. Poor Home Teachers. I was sitting in the highly coveted green chair in the corner. Denver was sitting in my lap and requested repeatedly that I turn the transformer (which I had just barely, after much effort, turned into a human shaped object) back into a car. Dad and Brother Allred were chatting before the lesson, and Tanner was running around hitting/ bothering everyone within his reach. Kadin was his main target. And when Tanner and Kadin tussle, it's a tussle. Dad gratefully separated them before it turned into a brawl.
Through much of the, "Where does his arm go?" and "Wait, I think I broke it." I was almost done with the car, which I had made with much effort and repeatedly responding to Denver's question if I could do it with, "Yes, I know I can do it!". And as I was about to finish, Dad yells at me to put it away. Regretfully, I put down my hard worked on car. Takoda, Savannah, Elias and Denver were sent to the basement for rough housing and making noise. Kadin and Tanner soon followed.
Soon, we hear the high-pitched girly scream of Tanner coming from the basement, along with a chorus of other little voices shouting and screaming "Dodge ball!!!"
Jackson asks "Who was that?" I reply, "Tanner." Brother Allred quickly comments with a huge smile, "He sounds like a girl!"
Soon, they are all back upstairs and Dad says the two words that start act two of the charade.
Duck Tape
In his wrath, he retrieves the neon orange duck tape from the special drawer and begins to literally wrap the children's mouth, cheeks, hair, and basically the whole bottom half of their head excepting their noses so that they can breathe. If you could imagine the expressions of absolute joy on our home teachers faces, make it 10 times bigger. The only reason they weren't on the floor rolling was because they wanted to be courteous. So all the children are running around the house covered in neon orange duck tape Screaming as much as they can through the plastic and sticky string. I was, of course, laughing like crazy because the literally looked like a running construction zone!When the prayer was finished, the home teachers finally escaped the insanity.
I can picture them going home, and telling their whole family the pleasant encounter they just had with the craziest family that ever set foot on the planet.
Yes, I love my family, and they are VERY embarrassing. Still, I have to take credit for some. if not most, of the insanely crazy stuff that goes on in our home. And I must publicly apologize to the poor souls that are, our Home Teachers.
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